Shadow Illusion

Look at the shadow at the back! There are two persons sitting, right? In fact, there are nobody there but rubbish. Things are not always what it seems as depicted from this shadow illusion.

The Real FireFox

Here is the real firefox. No the Firefox Browser. Is it cute?

Useless Japanese Inventions

Here is a compilation of useless inventions by the Japanese. I wonder who will use them. The picture above is a solar powered lighter.

Money Illusion

A set of pictures on how to use your money to create fun illusions.

How Many Kittens!

No really how many?

World Trade Center Sandcastle

There aren't words to describe this photo. And Beautiful World Trade Center tattoo

Drawing of a Nuclear Explosion

Drawing?

Cock And Hen

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that
The old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one
Young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards
Productivity.

Young cock : What ya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be
Retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you
With some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I
Win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I loose you will have all.

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock : 50 meter run. >From here to that t! Ree. But due to my age, I hope
You allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to
Start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock
Chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang! ..... Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot
Dead by the farmer, who cursed, "What the hell ! This is the fifth GAY
Chicken I've bought this week !"

Amazing Antarctica(with pics and lots of info)

A fun thing to do in extreme cold is to throw hot water into the air. Take a flask and fill it with boiling water to warm it up, pour this away and fill it again. Take the full flask outside, take a cup of this hot water and throw it all up into the air. As the +100�C water meets the cold (in this case -32�C) air, it instantly vapourizes. Most of it is turned into a cloud of steam that drifts gently away and some of the droplets that stay together are instantly turned into small pieces of ice that can be seen streaking down towards the bottom left in this photograph.
It's very weird to throw water into the air but none of it ever actually landing. Also seen in this picture is a solar halo around the sun formed by the ice crystals in the air.
Note - this only happens with very hot water - cold water just lands as cold water.


Mirages are commonly seen on the horizon in the winter or as in this case at the end of winter when the sea-ice has just broken up. They are a result of temperature differences in the bottom few metres just above the ice or sea surface. Air of different temperatures refracts light in different ways, the same phenomena is responsible for "heat haze" as seen above a road on a very hot day. It is the difference in temperature that is important and in this case it is causing a reflection downwards just above the level of the horizon so that objects on the horizon appear to be floating above the sea or ice rather than resting on it.
The Drake Passage is the stretch of water between the most southerly tip of South America and the most northerly tip of the Antarctic peninsula. It is the place where not only are there high and strong winds that blow most of the time, but where the "Circumpolar Current" is squeezed through its narrowest gap. This is a Westerly flowing current that flows around Antarctica powered by Antarctic winds. It flows at the rate of around 140 million cubic metres (tonnes) of water per second, or the equivalent of 5000 Amazon rivers.
The Drakes passage has been described as the roughest stretch of water in the world, it is what must be navigated when rounding Cape Horn and Tierra del Fuego. To reach the Antarctic peninsula it is necessary to traverse this stretch of water at right angles to the current flow. The result is often very lumpy seas indeed as seen in this shot where HMS Endurance is making the crossing.

Mirages are commonly seen on the horizon in the winter or as in this case at the end of winter when the sea-ice has just broken up. They are a result of temperature differences in the bottom few metres just above the ice or sea surface. Air of different temperatures refracts light in different ways, the same phenomena is responsible for "heat haze" as seen above a road on a very hot day. It is the difference in temperature that is important and in this case it is causing a reflection downwards just above the level of the horizon so that objects on the horizon appear to be floating above the sea or ice rather than resting on it.


I once met someone (admittedly a meteorologist) who said that his main reason for going to the Antarctic was because of the amazing skies and clouds that he had seen in pictures. Who can blame him? (if not necessarily agree). The clear (almost) pollution free air and wide open vistas unencumbered by trees, buildings or other clutter give panoramas of the sky that stretch for dizzying distances.


Another of the many optical atmospheric phenomena frequently seen in the Antarctic as a result of the scattering of light by ice particles suspended in the air. Such phenomena are usually encountered in the winter rather than summer when lower temperatures make such occurrences more likely.

Another take on the idea that water turns to vapour when it is considerably warmer than its surroundings. In this picture, water is being exposed at the "tide-cracks" that form around offshore rocks and small islands when the tide rises and falls with continuous sea-ice present. As the ice is not flexible it cracks and as it does, exposes an amount of open water to the air. Antarctic sea water varies between about +2�C and -2�C (the freezing point of sea water) over the course of a year, so in the case of this picture, the exposed sea water is more than 30�C warmer than the surrounding air. The result - it begins to turn to a vapour being so much warmer. The sunshine on this day serves to make it more visible and different temperature layers in the air cause it to rise to a band above the clearer air close to the ice surface.

A F?hn bank is formed by a F?hn wind. This is a warm contour-hugging wind that is blowing across Coronation Island in the South Orkneys group in this case. As the warm (relatively to the ice and rock) wind blows across the land, it causes snow and ice to sublime. That is to turn directly from a solid to a gas without passing through a liquid phase, so causing the cloud layer that can be seen - the same thing may happen when you open the door to your freezer and "smoke" comes out. The overall effect as seen from a distance is that the land is covered by a very large duvet. The gross contours can be seen through the cloud layer, but all of the finer detail is obscured.
Received from an Antarctic met man: The F?hn effect is dominated by "blocking". Wind, approaching a ridge, will either go up and over the ridge (normal) or come to a stop and then flow round the sides. South Georgia often experiences this latter.
Which of the two (up and over or round the sides) depends on the temperature gradient (stability), and wind speed,. If it's stable, the air at the ground is cold and "heavy" and wont flow up and over the top, it goes round the side. BUT, the air at the top of the ridge and just above the ridge, flows over and then down. Air aloft is already warm (because its stable, cold at the bottom), it then descends and gets even warmer and dryer ...a F?hn. South Georgia has these often. If the air is just between the flow round the sides (Froude > 1) of up and over.

At the beginning of the austral winter starting around March, the loose pack ice that has spent the summer months circling Antarctica begins to drift northwards. Pack ice is old sea-ice, frozen sea water that is a year old or more, it froze and formed elsewhere and later floated off with the winds and currents. Pack ice is heavy stuff and when it arrives somewhere it has the effect of steadying the ocean swell. The continuous rolling motion of the sea is stopped completely by a relatively narrow band of pack ice only 100m or so wide. The result is that where pack ice is present in reasonable quantity, the sea calms down sufficiently for low temperatures to freeze it easily - moving water cannot freeze as easily as static water.
This is sea-ice in the very early stages of formation. Sea-ice that forms in situ and is attached to the coast is called "fast-ice", it is stuck fast. In this picture the surface of the sea is beginning to freeze as the temperature is dropping to -20C and below. Pack ice has come near to the shore and so all movement of the sea has been killed completely allowing low temperatures to freeze the sea water. At this stage the ice is around an inch (2.5cm) thick but it has a spongy texture, you could poke a finger or certainly a fist through it relatively easily. The patterned effect comes from the rise and fall of the tides. As the tide rises, so the surface of the sea enlarges slightly and so the ice cracks apart, as the tide falls, so the surface of the sea decreases slightly and so the slabs of ice overlap at the edges.
Sea ice in the process of forming, the shore of the island in the distance is about 5 miles (8 kilometers) away and the whole of the sea surface in-between is made of forming fast ice. Notice how the slabs of forming ice become larger further out to sea as there are less undulations of the coast to push the slabs together as the tide falls.
The ice near to the shore here is known as "pancake-ice". This is formed when slabs of ice that are forming are jostled by the wind and / or movement of the sea. The pancakes of ice bash against each other around the edges and start to curl upwards at the edges. "Pancakes of submerged ice joined with others into great sheets, the rubbery green ice thickened, an ice foot fastened onto the shore, binding the sea with the land. Liquid became solid, solid was buried under crystals."
A picture taken of consolidated pack-ice. The ice that you see is mainly pack-ice, last years ice that formed elsewhere, broke up and floated here. As the temperature dropped, then this ice became stuck together by fast-ice, sea-water frozen in situ and attached to the coast that acts as a glue for the loose bits of pack. The ice-bergs that you see have been frozen in position and will remain son until they are freed by the spring break-up of the surrounding sea-ice.
Once fast ice (sea-ice frozen in situ and attached to the coast) has become established, the patterns of the earlier pieces disappears. The tide still rises and falls however meaning that the sea surface expands and shrinks slightly as it does so. Tide cracks are a result of this movement (as ice is not known for its elastic properties) they are formed when the ice moves apart, they close again when the tide falls. A tide crack is often many miles long, in this case stretching for around 5 miles (8 kilometers), but never more than about 18", 45cm wide between Signy and Coronation Islands in the South Orkneys group. Tide cracks are valuable resources for wild-life as they provide a region where birds such as snow petrels can fish through for krill and also as a breathing hole for crab eater and Weddell seals.
This is pack-ice in the summer months around the Antarctic peninsula. The ice looks fairly continuous, but has quite a lot of open water between the pieces and so can be relatively easily pushed aside by an ice-strengthened ship, in this case HMS Endurance. Larger pieces such as this one that are hit by the bow of the ship crack up into smaller pieces.
Proper Ice breakers have rounded hulls and rounded bows rather than being sharp and pointed. When breaking through very thick ice, the front of the ship rides up over the ice and the weight of the ship breaks through.
Passage is slow though, and heavy on fuel. Most of all, it takes an experienced and well informed ice-pilot to be confident in entering such ice so as not to be locked into the pack should the wind direction change and consolidate the ice.
At the end of the winter, rising oceanic swells and increasing temperatures cause the stable winter sea-ice to break-up and begin to drift away from where it formed. This years fast-ice therefore becomes next years pack-ice with a portion of it melting and disappearing completely. Here a small inflatable zodiac-like craft is (not entirely sensibly) negotiating quite close, but relatively light pack-ice. One person drives the boat, while another sits on the bow pushing the larger pieces of ice out of the way with his feet.
If the wind gets up and closes the ice, it could well be goodbye to the boat and the people in it too.
Ice-bergs drift around the Southern Ocean carried by the currents and blown by the winds. In the winter the sea-ice freezes around them and effectively glues them in place until the spring when the ice breaks up and they can begin to move again.
During this frozen-in time, it is possible to travel out across the sea-ice and walk right up to the bergs. This guy in the picture has an almost identical picture to this - with me in front of the berg though.
There are lots of different names for different kinds of ice. Large pieces of ice that were once part of an iceberg that broke up are known as "bergy bits" if they are too small to be considered as icebergs themselves. I never did discover when a "bergy bit" was big enough to be a "berg", I think it's a matter of opinion!
These bergy bits are trapped in the frozen sea-ice in the winter making it possible to walk out to them. In the distance can be seen trapped icebergs and the long low landmass of a nearby island, the two peaks to the left are about 40 miles (64 kilometres) way.
Icebergs are made of freshwater ice and not of frozen sea water. They form from the edge of glaciers when the glacier reaches the sea and either break off in pieces to form an iceberg, or in the case of an ice shelf, begin to float on the sea and then break off from the rest of the glacier as a large slab.
Icebergs are made up of snow that has fallen over many hundreds or even thousands of years. The stripes and different coloured layers in icebergs represent different layers of snowfall and the weather conditions under which the snow fell. If it is very cold then a light open layer with much air included will be formed, this gives a paler or white layer. The darker, bluer layers come from snow fall in relatively warm, maybe even wet conditions when little or no air is trapped in the layer.
In addition to this, air is squeezed out of the lower layers of a glacier as more and more snow falls and so the weight of snow builds up.
OK not an iceberg at all, but part of a land-based snow slope. In the spring when the winters snow begins to melt, water flows across the top of glaciers and snow slopes carrying with it dissolved nutrients in the melt water. In these conditions, algae grows within the top layer of the ice or snow catching the goodies as they flow by and taking advantage of the extra energy from the longer days and stronger sunshine.
In this case the algae is predominantly a red-coloured species, but further down the slope, green and blue-green colours are discernable. This is relatively short-lived spring phenomena as soon the very snow and ice layer that the algae are living in will melt and the algae will flow down to the sea with the water that provides them with their nourishment. It is not unusual to see distinctly red, green or blue-green topped ice bergs in the spring as a result of the growth of such algae.
There are over 300 species of such algae that live in such harsh and cold conditions. The red colour is a protective chemical (carotenoids such as astaxanthin) that the alga produces against exceptionally high concentrations of visible and ultra violet light that bounces off the snow and ice surfaces and so saturates them to a point where it become harmful and destructive. Such algae are also found in other parts of the world, often in high mountains where extra u-v light due to the thinner atmosphere and again increased light scattering by ice and snow requires protection by similar pigments.
Sometimes, walking across such an area will leave behind red footprints as the algae are concentrated by the walker as the snow is crushed, and sometimes there will be a a faint smell of fresh watermelon accompanying the phenomena.

Ice bergs are carved and shaped by wind and wave. As they are eroded, so the balance changes and they tip up to a new stable position. This continuous erosion, moving around and occasional breaking up into smaller pieces produces all kinds of weird and wonderful shapes that belies their original origin as a part of a flat freshwater glacier.
Ice bergs are eroded by a combination of temperatures above freezing and the effects of wave action. Here in a fairly rough sea, waves are washing up the side of this berg to a point about 2 metres above sea level and will probably make two separate upright areas that are divided by the developing trough. We did for a short time consider trying to speed through the gap when it was awash in our small powerfully driven zodiac boat, but decided against it - probably for the best!
The hard angular shapes and edges of this berg remind me of a cubist painting. Notice that the area at sea-level towards the left is very smooth and curved by contrast to the rest of the ice. The sharp geometric edges will probably have been made when this piece of ice calved from its glacier, the fracture planes of the ice being usually straight and plate-like. That it is not yet smoothed out indicates that this region has not yet been under the water to be sculptured into the more usual curves seen on ice bergs, it also means that it only recently fell off the glacier, although it could well be a fracture plane from the collapse of a larger ice berg that broke into pieces.
It can be quite an unreal experience getting close up to ice bergs in small boats but a really awesome if potentially dangerous thing to do. The effect of light on and through the ice produces a world of blues and white, the berg can usually be seen for several metres below the water surface and there may be icicles hanging down as here where the ice has melted in the sun and water run across the face of the berg before freezing again. If you ever end up in this situation, make sure you have some really good sunglasses and a high factor sun screen for exposed flesh (including that little bit underneath your nose!) as the reflections and brightness especially when the sun comes out can be painfully dazzling with no-where to look that isn't brilliantly lit.
Large irregularly shaped bergs tend to be the most interesting to visit, but also the most dangerous and most unstable. They will break up at some point and they will tilt and move around a lot before settling to a new stable position. If you're in the vicinity when this happens, you may get some big pieces of ice dropped on you or at the very least there will be some major waves and disturbances of the sea. Having said that I've never heard of anyone actually being hurt in such an event - a combination of the rarity of it happening, alertness and speed of the boatman/boat and people just not going near big bergs very often in small boats.

Elephant In Tree

Good Lord! There's an elephant up in that tree!

Extreme Bodypainting

This bodypaint craze is getting out of control!

World's Heaviest Baby

Age:11 Months
Weight: 22.5kg
Per Day Diet: 1 kg Rice and 5 liter Milk
Birth Place: India-Rajasthan

Bikini Champion

Its a designer Outfit!

Wicked Tattoo

damn, that must have been painfull

Cool Tattoo

What possessed him to have that done ?

Should We Eat It?

These little cats have no idea what they're doing.

Crazy Lightning

Something tells me this isn't real, but it's still cool.

A Better Windows Desktop

It's just as good looking, and smoother too.

Bear Illusion

At the first glance, you may look there is one bear in this beautiful background. But, there are some bears which are hidden somewhere.
I could only see 8 bears. What about you? Can you see more than 8? I am sure there are more much that 8. Tell me how many can you find

Four Legged Chicken

Four legged chick was found by Ryan Dickey, 10 at his home in New Zealand where 14 types of chicken are bred. The little clucker is a Barnevelder chicken and the chick uses its bottom two legs to walk. The other four legged chickens has also been reported in Romania and Saudi Arabia. The family intend keeping the chick as a pet and is considering naming it Jack-Peg-a-leg.

Anything

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

Pharmaceutical Understanding

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Call From Hell

Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush & Robert Mugabe died & went straight to hell.

Queen Elizabeth II said "I miss Britain, I want to call Britain and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Five million dollars" She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

George Bush was so jealous, he began screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too" He called and talked for about 10 minutes, then he asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Ten million dollars" With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Robert Mugabe was even more jealous & started screaming, "I want to call Zimbabwe, I want to see how everybody is doing there. I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody". He called Zimbabwe and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "One dollar". Mugabe is stunned & says "One dollar??? Only one lousy dollar??" The Devil says "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, it's local"

No Mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of his house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which the blonde replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

Blind Date

Joe took his blind date to the carnival.

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early,
dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

In Hell

Demon: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Demon: It's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great!

Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You know it!
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie- you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why, yes I do.
Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean?...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!

Demon: You gay?
Guy: No....
Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

Painful Break Up

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women that he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back."

Prison vs Work

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.

Read This Damn Funny

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samsung Electronics

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone
Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

----------------------------------------------------------------------

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling in Australia?"

Operator: " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel
to the other side of the car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B'
fell off".

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland
".
----------------------------------------------------------------------

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
on".

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?".

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
file back again?".

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-------------------------------------------
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to
say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing
the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now
I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.

" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up
just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
Bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too $*%ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Never take some one for granted,Hold every person Close to your Heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones." Remember this always in life.