Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
It's A Good Crack Or Is It Art?
Britain's Tate Modern gallery revealed the latest addition to its collection Monday -- a 500-foot (150 meter) crack running the length of the building's ground-floor hall. The work by Colombian artist Doris Salcedo begins as a hairline fissure and gradually widens and deepens as it zigzags across the concrete floor.
Bogota-based Salcedo said the work's "negative space" symbolized the experience of illegal immigrants.
Asked how deep the crack went, she said: "It's bottomless. It's as deep as humanity."
Tate director Nicholas Serota said the work had not damaged the building, but would leave a permanent mark. "There is a crack, there is a line, and eventually there will be a scar and that scar will remain," he said. "It will remain as a memory of the work and also as a memorial to the issues Doris touches on."
Salcedo's piece is titled "Shibboleth," after a Biblical massacre in which members of a defeated tribe were identified for slaughter based on the way they spoke.
This asian girl has fantastic talent with her tongue
The tongue is a wonderful thing. It allows you to taste, talk, and … touch.
Some people are just naturally more skilled with their tongue than most and we are going to showcase some of that talent.especially the last bit
Do You Recognize These 8 Body Language Killers?
“A significant amount of communication occurs through body language. Though we can’t see our own, everyone else does. If you’re saying one thing and thinking another, your body language may well give you away"
Did you know that 55% of communication is visual (body language, eye contact) and 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice)? That means only 7% involves your actual words. And when the spotlight is on you — whether one-on-one in a job interview or when making a presentation to a large group — you need to communicate effectively on all levels.
But how do you develop better language skills?
When it comes to body language, simply avoiding the most common mistakes and replacing them with more confident movements will make a big difference. Here you will find eight body language killers that will leave your audience underwhelmed and unimpressed. Train yourself to avoid them, and you’ll see that simple changes can make all the difference.
Mistake #1. Avoiding eye contact.
Do you read directly from a PowerPoint presentation instead of addressing the audience? In a one-on-one conversation, do you glance to the side, down at your feet, or at the desk? Ever catch yourself looking over the shoulder of the person you’re talking to? What it says about you is that you lack confidence, you are nervous and unprepared.
The winning technique: Keeping your eyes on your audience. Spend 80% to 90% of the time looking into the eyes of your listeners. The vast majority of people spend far too much time looking down at notes, PowerPoint slides or at the table in front of them. Not surprisingly, most speakers can change this behavior instantly simply by watching video of themselves. Powerful business leaders look at their listeners directly in the eye when delivering their message.
Mistake #2. Blocking: putting something between you and your listeners.
Another common mistake is putting something between you and your listeners. Crossing your arms, standing behind a podium or chair, or talking to someone from behind a computer monitor are all examples of blocking, which prevents a real connection from taking place. Even a folder on a desk can break the connection and create distance.
The winning technique: Staying “open.” Keep your hands apart and your palms up, pointed toward the ceiling. Remove physical barriers between you and your listeners.
Mistake #3. Fidgeting, rocking or swaying.
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unsure or unprepared. So, stop fidgeting. Fidgeting, rocking and swaying don’t serve any purpose. Let’s imagine for a second a top executive of a computer company who has to deliver the news of a product delay to a major investor. He and his team actually have the event under control, and they have learned valuable lessons from their failure. But his body language suggests otherwise.
His biggest problem is rocking back and forth as he delivers the presentation. It reflects a lack of competence and control. By eventually learning to move with purpose, he can avoid career suicide. The investor will leave the next presentation confident that the project is well under control.
Mistake #4. Keeping your hands in your pockets or clasped together.
Keeping your hands stiffly by your side or stuck in your pockets can give the impression that you’re uninterested, uncommitted or nervous — whether you are or not.
The solution here is too simple: Take your hands out of your pocket and use them for purposeful, assertive hand gestures. Engaging both hands above the waist is an example of a complex hand gesture that reflects complex thinking and gives the listener confidence in the speaker.
Mistake #5. Standing or sitting perfectly still.
Ineffective speakers barely move, staying in one spot during a presentation. What it says about them: They are rigid, nervous, boring — not engaging or dynamic.
The winning technique: Animate your body, not your slides. Walk. Move. Most speakers think they need to stand ridged in one place. What they don’t realize is that movement is not only acceptable, it’s welcome. Some of the greatest business speakers walk into the audience, and are constantly moving… but with purpose!
For example, a dynamic speaker will walk from one side of the room to another to deliver their message. He points to a slide instead of reading from it, places his hand on someone’s shoulders instead of keeping the distance.
Mistake #6. Slouching, leaning back, or being hunched over.
Poor posture is often associated with a lack of confidence and can reflect — or be presumed to reflect — a lack of engagement or interest. What it says about you: You are unauthoritative; you lack confidence.
The winning technique: Keeping your head up and back straight. When standing stationary, place feet at shoulder width and lean slightly forward — you will look far more interested, engaged, and enthusiastic. Pull your shoulders slightly forward as well — you’ll appear more masculine. Head and spine should be straight. Don’t use a tabletop or podium as an excuse to lean on it.
Mistake #7. Using phony gestures.
What it says about you is that you’re overcoached, unnatural or artificial. Use gestures; just don’t overdo it. Researchers have shown that gestures reflect complex thought. Gestures leave listeners with the perception of confidence, competence and control. But the minute you try to copy a hand gesture, you risk looking contrived — like a bad politician.
President George Bush Sr. used gestures that were often incongruous with his words, as if he had been overcoached. It was like watching mismatched audio in a bad B-movie. You may not command quite as wide an audience as President Bush did, but, nonetheless, the last thing you want is for your own colleagues and friends to make fun of you after a meeting.
Mistake #8. Jingling coins, tapping toes & other annoying movements.
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unpolished or insufficiently concerned with details. Use a video camera to tape yourself. Play it back with a critical eye. Do you find annoying gestures that you weren’t aware of? I once watched an author who had written a book on leadership discuss his project. He couldn’t help but jingle all the coins in his pocket throughout the entire talk. He didn’t sell very many books that day, and he certainly didn’t score points on the leadership scale.
Nervous energy will reflect itself in toe-tapping, touching your face or moving your leg up and down. It’s an easy fix once you catch yourself in the act!
Dynamic and powerful body language will help you kick up the power of your presentations, whether you’re interviewing for a job, climbing the career ladder or occupying the corner office. So work on your body language. Pay as much attention to it as the words you use, and watch your influence soar!
Did you know that 55% of communication is visual (body language, eye contact) and 38% is vocal (pitch, speed, volume, tone of voice)? That means only 7% involves your actual words. And when the spotlight is on you — whether one-on-one in a job interview or when making a presentation to a large group — you need to communicate effectively on all levels.
But how do you develop better language skills?
When it comes to body language, simply avoiding the most common mistakes and replacing them with more confident movements will make a big difference. Here you will find eight body language killers that will leave your audience underwhelmed and unimpressed. Train yourself to avoid them, and you’ll see that simple changes can make all the difference.
Mistake #1. Avoiding eye contact.
Do you read directly from a PowerPoint presentation instead of addressing the audience? In a one-on-one conversation, do you glance to the side, down at your feet, or at the desk? Ever catch yourself looking over the shoulder of the person you’re talking to? What it says about you is that you lack confidence, you are nervous and unprepared.
The winning technique: Keeping your eyes on your audience. Spend 80% to 90% of the time looking into the eyes of your listeners. The vast majority of people spend far too much time looking down at notes, PowerPoint slides or at the table in front of them. Not surprisingly, most speakers can change this behavior instantly simply by watching video of themselves. Powerful business leaders look at their listeners directly in the eye when delivering their message.
Mistake #2. Blocking: putting something between you and your listeners.
Another common mistake is putting something between you and your listeners. Crossing your arms, standing behind a podium or chair, or talking to someone from behind a computer monitor are all examples of blocking, which prevents a real connection from taking place. Even a folder on a desk can break the connection and create distance.
The winning technique: Staying “open.” Keep your hands apart and your palms up, pointed toward the ceiling. Remove physical barriers between you and your listeners.
Mistake #3. Fidgeting, rocking or swaying.
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unsure or unprepared. So, stop fidgeting. Fidgeting, rocking and swaying don’t serve any purpose. Let’s imagine for a second a top executive of a computer company who has to deliver the news of a product delay to a major investor. He and his team actually have the event under control, and they have learned valuable lessons from their failure. But his body language suggests otherwise.
His biggest problem is rocking back and forth as he delivers the presentation. It reflects a lack of competence and control. By eventually learning to move with purpose, he can avoid career suicide. The investor will leave the next presentation confident that the project is well under control.
Mistake #4. Keeping your hands in your pockets or clasped together.
Keeping your hands stiffly by your side or stuck in your pockets can give the impression that you’re uninterested, uncommitted or nervous — whether you are or not.
The solution here is too simple: Take your hands out of your pocket and use them for purposeful, assertive hand gestures. Engaging both hands above the waist is an example of a complex hand gesture that reflects complex thinking and gives the listener confidence in the speaker.
Mistake #5. Standing or sitting perfectly still.
Ineffective speakers barely move, staying in one spot during a presentation. What it says about them: They are rigid, nervous, boring — not engaging or dynamic.
The winning technique: Animate your body, not your slides. Walk. Move. Most speakers think they need to stand ridged in one place. What they don’t realize is that movement is not only acceptable, it’s welcome. Some of the greatest business speakers walk into the audience, and are constantly moving… but with purpose!
For example, a dynamic speaker will walk from one side of the room to another to deliver their message. He points to a slide instead of reading from it, places his hand on someone’s shoulders instead of keeping the distance.
Mistake #6. Slouching, leaning back, or being hunched over.
Poor posture is often associated with a lack of confidence and can reflect — or be presumed to reflect — a lack of engagement or interest. What it says about you: You are unauthoritative; you lack confidence.
The winning technique: Keeping your head up and back straight. When standing stationary, place feet at shoulder width and lean slightly forward — you will look far more interested, engaged, and enthusiastic. Pull your shoulders slightly forward as well — you’ll appear more masculine. Head and spine should be straight. Don’t use a tabletop or podium as an excuse to lean on it.
Mistake #7. Using phony gestures.
What it says about you is that you’re overcoached, unnatural or artificial. Use gestures; just don’t overdo it. Researchers have shown that gestures reflect complex thought. Gestures leave listeners with the perception of confidence, competence and control. But the minute you try to copy a hand gesture, you risk looking contrived — like a bad politician.
President George Bush Sr. used gestures that were often incongruous with his words, as if he had been overcoached. It was like watching mismatched audio in a bad B-movie. You may not command quite as wide an audience as President Bush did, but, nonetheless, the last thing you want is for your own colleagues and friends to make fun of you after a meeting.
Mistake #8. Jingling coins, tapping toes & other annoying movements.
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unpolished or insufficiently concerned with details. Use a video camera to tape yourself. Play it back with a critical eye. Do you find annoying gestures that you weren’t aware of? I once watched an author who had written a book on leadership discuss his project. He couldn’t help but jingle all the coins in his pocket throughout the entire talk. He didn’t sell very many books that day, and he certainly didn’t score points on the leadership scale.
Nervous energy will reflect itself in toe-tapping, touching your face or moving your leg up and down. It’s an easy fix once you catch yourself in the act!
Dynamic and powerful body language will help you kick up the power of your presentations, whether you’re interviewing for a job, climbing the career ladder or occupying the corner office. So work on your body language. Pay as much attention to it as the words you use, and watch your influence soar!
Most Expensive Flawless Blue Diamond
The 6.04 carat, internally flawless blue diamond fetched £650,000 per carat, having smashed a 20-year-old record held by the Hancock Red Diamond of Brazilian origin which fetched £450,000 per carat at the time.An unknown Asian collector's flawless blue diamond was successfully bid by Moussaieff Jewellers in London for £4 million at a Sotheby's auction in Hong Kong, becoming the most expensive gemstone in the world
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Most Romantic Hotels in the World
The below list is compiled by Romance Tracker, while one person’s romantic hotel may be another person’s nightmare vacation, so we can't guarantee what the most romantic hotels both Romance Tracker and RC believed might not be yours.
1. Twin Farms: Bernard, Vermont
2. Mala Mala Game Reserve: South Africa
3. The Inn at Irving Place, New York
4. La Villa Gallici, France
5. The Bauer, Venice
6. Dar Mimosas, Morocco
7. Four Seasons at Jimbaran Bay, Bali
8. La Sirenuse, Italy
9. The Point, Saranac Lake, NY
10. Hotel Ritz, Paris
Among those ten hotels, I only know a little bit about Paris's Hotel Ritz which is owned by the British billionaire Mohamed Al-Fayed, the father of Princess Diana's boyfriend Dodi Fayed. The hotel is the last place where Princess Diana stayed before she and Dodi Fayed were killed during a tragical car accident in 1997.
Meet artist Steven Kutcher the bugs painter
The 63-year-old, who uses insects as living paintbrushes, dips the insects in paint, places them on a blank canvas and lets their movement create a string of colourful paintings.Artist Steven Kutcher of Los Angeles, who paints with moths, beetles, spiders, flies, honey bees, butterflies, grasshoppers - and even Hissing Cockroaches from Madagascar.
Mr Kutcher, a keen environmentalist, who has a master's degree in entomology, said: "I can switch colours and even insects to create the effect I am looking for. If a bug is sensitive to light, I can influence its movement on the canvas by controlling the lighting. Insects have different footprints and behaviours so I use both my entomological and artistic knowledge to create fine works of art."
"I use water-based, nontoxic gouache paints which easily wash off. I have to take good care of them. After all, they are artists," he added.
Living paintbrush: One of Steven's beetles.
The Bug Picture: Another masterpiece?
The man behind the magic: Steven Kutcher.
Arty: Another masterpiece from Van Moth.
Bright spark: Steven's canvas is awash with primary colours.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
The 5 Greatest Foods For Your Health
I was taught that there is no such thing as a good or bad food. My teachers explained that what makes some foods “evil” and others pristine has nothing to do with their individual morality and everything to do with how we use them.
After reading hundreds of books on food and attending dozens of lectures from some of the top minds in health and nutrition, I still hold this belief to be true.
However there are a few messages about food types that seem to be universal, even among differing branches of belief. In this article, I am providing what I believe to be the 5 greatest foods for human health based on the theory of least resistance—meaning almost everyone who has written a book or considers himself/herself an expert in nutrition has no gripe with these foods:
1) SEA VEGETABLES, or “seaweed”
Quite frankly, sea vegetables are the most misunderstood and under-utilized food in Western culture! There are approximately 90 minerals identified in modern nutrition and ALL of them are represented in seaweed. Sea vegetables are higher in vitamins and minerals than every other food on the planet ounce for ounce; they contain 20-200% more minerals than land-based vegetables. Seaweed holds high levels of Vitamins C, D, K and B and has more Vitamin A than carrots.
Seaweed is also very rich in protein and strengthens the kidneys and nervous system. When eaten consistently, sea vegetables calm hyperactivity, reduce stress and are excellent for the thyroid gland. People complain about the taste and the general rule of thumb with seaweed is this: the worse it tastes for you, the more you need it. Dulse, Kelp and Nori are excellent types.
2) CACAO
Chocolate originates from a bean called “Cacao”, and is one of the most complex food substances on earth. According to Healing with Natural Foods author Paul Pitchford Cacao has over 300 chemically identifiable compounds. Energetics of Food author Eric Gagne claims raw chocolate has 700 naturally occurring chemicals and almost everyone agrees Cacao is one of the highest anti-oxidant foods on the planet (including the New York Times)!
This is beneficial because antioxidants fight “free radical cells” which cause inflammation and disease in our bodies. Cacao also contains 10x more magnesium and chromium than any other food in the world. Magnesium is the most important mineral for our health activating over 350 processes, according to Pitchford. So YES, chocolate is extremely healthy, just make sure to buy raw and organic chocolate from a health food store. An excellent way to integrate this food into your diet is by adding it to health shakes.
3) QUINOA
Quinoa (pronounced KEEN-WA) is an ancient whole grain, and has been consumed by people for more than 8,000 years. Quinoa has the highest nutritional profile of all grains. It contains high levels of dietary fiber and B Vitamins and has all 8 essential amino acids. Whole grains are some of the best sources for nutritional support, providing long-lasting energy (as a result of the body absorbing them slowly unlike simple carbs).
Quinoa is high in zinc, potassium, calcium and Vitamin E and is known to strengthen the kidney and heart!
4) KALE
It is well-known that leafy green vegetables are extremely nutritious and jam-packed with a wide array of vitamins. Energetically speaking, leafy greens contain a high concentration of chlorophyll, the “life-blood” of our planet…and Kale is the king of them! It’s never surprising to see studies on diet and disease that say “vegetables—especially green leafy vegetables—are associated with a lower risk of…” as they have a high concentration of Vitamins A, C and K, folate, potassium, magnesium, iron, lutein and phytochemicals. Phytochemicals are components of fruits or vegetables that may help to prevent disease, and perhaps even help to treat some disorders.
Kale goes a step further and is also an incredible source of calcium, folic acid, vitamin B6, manganese, and potassium. For a green, Kale is unusually high in fiber and in many ways is a true superfood!
5) BERRIES
According to raw food extraordinaire David Wolfe, berries are the most natural food for human consumption and a cleanser for the human body. We spend so much time thinking about what we put in our bodies we forget the importance of what comes out (David Wolfe calls himself the world’s biggest “gastronaut”…I love it)! Furthermore, berries are a wonderful source of Vitamins C, E, calcium and folic acid and are rich in phytochemicals.
Berries are also an excellent source of dietary fiber, which has been linked to lowered cholesterol levels. Some forms have even shown to have anti-cancer properties in laboratory settings The goji berry, the #1 food in Chinese medicine, is one of the highest anti-oxidant foods on the planet and well-worth looking into!
In conclusion, I am aware that the foods described in this article are not considered “main course” items in our society. However, learning more about these foods and integrating them into your diet can do absolute wonders for your health. Try them out, and see…
After reading hundreds of books on food and attending dozens of lectures from some of the top minds in health and nutrition, I still hold this belief to be true.
However there are a few messages about food types that seem to be universal, even among differing branches of belief. In this article, I am providing what I believe to be the 5 greatest foods for human health based on the theory of least resistance—meaning almost everyone who has written a book or considers himself/herself an expert in nutrition has no gripe with these foods:
1) SEA VEGETABLES, or “seaweed”
Quite frankly, sea vegetables are the most misunderstood and under-utilized food in Western culture! There are approximately 90 minerals identified in modern nutrition and ALL of them are represented in seaweed. Sea vegetables are higher in vitamins and minerals than every other food on the planet ounce for ounce; they contain 20-200% more minerals than land-based vegetables. Seaweed holds high levels of Vitamins C, D, K and B and has more Vitamin A than carrots.
Seaweed is also very rich in protein and strengthens the kidneys and nervous system. When eaten consistently, sea vegetables calm hyperactivity, reduce stress and are excellent for the thyroid gland. People complain about the taste and the general rule of thumb with seaweed is this: the worse it tastes for you, the more you need it. Dulse, Kelp and Nori are excellent types.
2) CACAO
Chocolate originates from a bean called “Cacao”, and is one of the most complex food substances on earth. According to Healing with Natural Foods author Paul Pitchford Cacao has over 300 chemically identifiable compounds. Energetics of Food author Eric Gagne claims raw chocolate has 700 naturally occurring chemicals and almost everyone agrees Cacao is one of the highest anti-oxidant foods on the planet (including the New York Times)!
This is beneficial because antioxidants fight “free radical cells” which cause inflammation and disease in our bodies. Cacao also contains 10x more magnesium and chromium than any other food in the world. Magnesium is the most important mineral for our health activating over 350 processes, according to Pitchford. So YES, chocolate is extremely healthy, just make sure to buy raw and organic chocolate from a health food store. An excellent way to integrate this food into your diet is by adding it to health shakes.
3) QUINOA
Quinoa (pronounced KEEN-WA) is an ancient whole grain, and has been consumed by people for more than 8,000 years. Quinoa has the highest nutritional profile of all grains. It contains high levels of dietary fiber and B Vitamins and has all 8 essential amino acids. Whole grains are some of the best sources for nutritional support, providing long-lasting energy (as a result of the body absorbing them slowly unlike simple carbs).
Quinoa is high in zinc, potassium, calcium and Vitamin E and is known to strengthen the kidney and heart!
4) KALE
It is well-known that leafy green vegetables are extremely nutritious and jam-packed with a wide array of vitamins. Energetically speaking, leafy greens contain a high concentration of chlorophyll, the “life-blood” of our planet…and Kale is the king of them! It’s never surprising to see studies on diet and disease that say “vegetables—especially green leafy vegetables—are associated with a lower risk of…” as they have a high concentration of Vitamins A, C and K, folate, potassium, magnesium, iron, lutein and phytochemicals. Phytochemicals are components of fruits or vegetables that may help to prevent disease, and perhaps even help to treat some disorders.
Kale goes a step further and is also an incredible source of calcium, folic acid, vitamin B6, manganese, and potassium. For a green, Kale is unusually high in fiber and in many ways is a true superfood!
5) BERRIES
According to raw food extraordinaire David Wolfe, berries are the most natural food for human consumption and a cleanser for the human body. We spend so much time thinking about what we put in our bodies we forget the importance of what comes out (David Wolfe calls himself the world’s biggest “gastronaut”…I love it)! Furthermore, berries are a wonderful source of Vitamins C, E, calcium and folic acid and are rich in phytochemicals.
Berries are also an excellent source of dietary fiber, which has been linked to lowered cholesterol levels. Some forms have even shown to have anti-cancer properties in laboratory settings The goji berry, the #1 food in Chinese medicine, is one of the highest anti-oxidant foods on the planet and well-worth looking into!
In conclusion, I am aware that the foods described in this article are not considered “main course” items in our society. However, learning more about these foods and integrating them into your diet can do absolute wonders for your health. Try them out, and see…
Friday, October 5, 2007
Huang Li swims three hours in chilly river With Hands and Legs Tied
A father tied his 10-year-old daughter's hands and feet and watched her swim in a chilly river for three hours 'help her achieve her dream of swimming across the English Channe.Huang Li swam like a dolphin', occassionally paddling with her bound hands, for two or three kilometers in the Xiang River in Southern China.
Why would any father do such a thing? Well he felt like it will help her to achieve her goal of swimming the English Channel. The girl got the idea from watching a similar feat on a local television program.
Her father, Huang Daosheng, said she travelled with the current and added: "Her swimming skills are perfect and she insisted on doing this. It's not dangerous because, first, her swimming skills are really good and second, I was swimming with her, staying close to her. I had her when I was 35, so she is my heart. I would never play around with her life."
Thursday, October 4, 2007
99 Excuses for Skipping out of Work
1. My kids are locked outside.
2. My kids are locked inside.
3. My kids are stuck in the door.
4. I have to pick on my kids.
5. I have to help my grandmother bake cookies.
6. I have to help my Aunt Flo in Omaha make cookies. She’s much better now and she wants to send thank-you cookies to everyone who came to see her when she thought she was dying.
7. The water company has to read my meter once a year and this was the only time they would come.
8. The gas company has to read my meter once a year and this was the only time they would come.
9. The water meter guy and the gas meter guy were both leaving cards on my door about me not being home, and they got into a fight about whose meter was better, and I have to go home and clean up.
10. My daughter is graduating from high school and I’d like to go to the ceremony.
11. My daughter is receiving a Nobel Prize and I’d like to go to the ceremony. (Do not use within one month of #9).
12. I have to pick up my car at the shop. If I don’t get there in half an hour it’ll be locked up all weekend.
13. I have to get my car to the shop. If I don’t get it there in half an hour it’ll be locked out all weekend. (Don’t use if boss seems wide awake).
14. My dog has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.
15. My cat has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.
16. My kid has a rash all over, and the vet closes early today.
17. My truss snapped.
18. My support hose popped.
19. I got my fingers stuck together with Krazy Glue.
20. I’m arranging financing for a house.
21. I’m arranging financing for a car.
22. I’m arranging financing for a beef roast.
23. The couch I ordered umpteen weeks ago has arrived and this was the only time they could deliver it.
24. The refrigerator I ordered umpteen weeks ago has arrived and this was the only time they could deliver it.
25. The baby we arranged for nine months ago is arriving, and I think this is the time it’s being delivered. (Note: This is an excuse that can’t be used by just anybody. But if it’s close to accurate, it’s extremely effective.
26. I have been asked to serve on a presidential advisory panel.
27. I’m being sent to the moon by NASA.
28. It’s Dayton’s Warehouse Sale.
29. My back aches.
30. My stomach aches.
31. My hair aches. (This is more acceptable than “I have a hangover,” especially if offered in the early afternoon.)
32. My biological clock is ticking.
33. I have to take my biological clock in for service.
34. My furnace won’t stop running, and the goldfish are getting poached.
35. My central air conditioning won’t stop running, and the goldfish are getting freezer burn.
36. Both my furnace and my central air conditioning won’t stop running. The goldfish are fine but my basement is about to explode.
37. I have to go to the airport to pick up my mother.
38. I have to go to the airport to pick up my minister.
39. I have to go to the airport to pick up my minister’s mother.
40. I have to take my mother to the doctor.
41. I have to take my minister to the doctor.
42. I have to take my doctor to my minister.
43. I think I left the iron on.
44. I think I left the water on
45. I think I left the refrigerator on.
46. I’m getting married, and I have to go pick out rings.
47. I’m getting married, and I have to take a blood test.
48. I’m getting married, and I have to figure out to whom.
49. I have to have my waistband let out.
50. I have to have my watchband let out.
51. I have to have my son’s rock band let out.
52. I’m having my eyes checked this noon, and they put drops in them so I won’t be able to work afterwards.
53. I’m having my ears checked this noon, and they put drops in them so I won’t be able to work afterwards.
54. I’m having my hats checked this noon, and I’ll be having a drop or two so I won’t be able to work afterwards.
55. I’m having a root canal.
56. I’m having a tax audit.
57. I’m going on a date with a sadomasochistic necrophile. (Is that beating a dead horse?)
58. My broker needs to talk with me about diversification.
59. I have to rearrange my savings so that there is no more than $100,000 in any one federally insured institution.
60. I need to break into my kid’s piggy bank while he’s not home.
61. I have to renew my driver’s license.
62. I have to get new license plates.
63. I have to stand in a long line for no good reason, while petty bureaucrats take inordinate amounts of time to work out the tiny problems that they detect in perfectly routine transactions. THEN I have to breeze by and renew my driver’s license and get new license plates.
64. I’ve got an urgent session with my therapist.
65. I’ve got a really urgent session with my therapist.
66. I’ve … I … I’m not … I don’t … I CAN’T COPE WITH THIS!!
67. I have to get my contact lenses fitted.
68. I have to get my hearing aid adjusted.
69. I have to get my big toe calibrated.
70. Hey, hey! The Monkees could be coming to our town
71. My rheumatism is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible tornado.
72. My arthritis is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible blizzard.
73. The pharaoh is acting up. There’s going to be a terrible rain of frogs.
74. I need to give blood.
75. I need to give evidence.
76. I need to give up.
77. I’m going to my best friend’s engagement party.
78. I’m going to my best friend’s wedding.
79. I’m going to my best friend’s divorce. (We all knew it wouldn’t last. At the wedding, everybody threw Minute Rice.)
80. I have a seriously overdue library book that I have to return.
81. I have a bunch of old parking tickets, and if I don’t pay them I’m going to be arrested.
82. The police are at the back door. Cover me.
83. I’m having my nails done.
84. I’m having my colors done.
85. I’m having my head examined.
86. I’m going to the bank.
87. I’m going to sleep.
88. I’m going over the edge.
89. A friend of mine is dying and I have to go to the hospital.
90. A friend of mine has died and I have to go to the funeral parlor.
91. A friend of mine is being reincarnated and I have to go to the zoo.
92. I need to check out the hole in the ozone layer.
93. I need to check into a rest home.
94. I’m breaking in my shoes.
95. I’m breaking up with my boyfriend.
96. I’m breaking out.
97. I have to pick up my dry cleaning.
98. I have to pick out a car.
99. Salmon Rushdie is coming in to talk about his idea for a book on Christian fundamentalists. I thought I’d go to a ball game instead.
Everyone needs a bit of extra time of occasionally, and all manner of outlandish excuses are given. Here is a list of 99 (mostly funny) excuses for getting out of work.
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